There but for the grace of god

So, I’ve been ill for some time. From the beginning of December I felt off. Thought maybe I’d eaten too many Xmas cherries. Just wanted to get through the last two weeks of work before leave so slogged on, as we do.

My energy was so appalling that I resisted starting any significant projects in case I couldn’t think them through. Then it was annual leave time & off I went to Tassie. I didn’t have the kind of energy I wanted to have to spend with my family and my pain levels were severe. Still didn’t understand. Is this sounding familiar, women?

By the time I returned home, I knew something was very wrong & finally went to an emergency doctor as mine was not available. Without ordering any bloods or scans, he decided I had diverticulitis and gave me strong antibiotics. I dutifully took them. I did not get better.

The pain was so bad that I went to another GP I was familiar with (still couldn’t get hold of mine, there’ll be words about that) & told him what had happened. Even though I had had melena from before Xmas, he did not ask me their colour, order bloods or scans. His treatment made me far more ill.

I was so ill by mid January that I could barely stand without passing out, was so pasty it was shocking, nausea & throw up were my constant companions & still melena. Finally, I got hold of my GP. Finally, I was heard. He was extremely concerned and ordered bloods immediately. When he got the results he woke me the next morning telling me to call an ambulance.

I’d actually called one the day before when I found myself on the bathroom floor after my shower. (I got dressed before they came, of course.) They said if I didn’t feel right they’d take me to hospital. In my very ill state that sounded like I didn’t really need to go, so I didn’t.

The next ambos, the following morning, realised that I could barely walk, let alone step up into the ambulance & carted me away. By the time I got to hospital my haemoglobin was 54 (it can be between 121-137). I had so little haemoglobin that I had little oxygen & my poor heart was desperately struggling to feed my body what I didn’t have.

Four units of blood, multiple bags of solution, scans, bloods & two hospitals and one medical procedure later, they’d stopped the internal bleed that was losing the blood they were pouring into me & worked out a plan for healing the large ulcers caused by the anti-inflammatory medication I took for my severe arthritis. We all rolling our eyes now? Mine are.

Right now it appears to be solvable, thank god. I am so grateful to the four people whose blood I now call my own. I’m keeping it, thank you. When I am well I’m going to organise a blood drive. You never know until you really know, you know?

I’m so grateful to not have joined the angels’ chorus just yet (& yes, of course that’s where I’m going) & flummoxed at how close I came to doing so. I am also so grateful to my friends & family who sent light & love & offered help.

I’m really looking forward to feeling better. So many summer projects I haven’t got done & beaches I haven’t visited & dog walks I haven’t taken. Things to do, places to go, people to see.